The Complexities Of Our Walls

This topic doesn’t get nearly enough attention! From the time we’re little children we hear the term “emotional walls”…often not understanding what they even mean…& then once we feel a numbness for the first time in our lives, in an area we used to feel so passionately about, we START to understand. “Start,” being the operative word.

 

I used this image, bc most often when we are open about our walls, it’s related to our relationships – our love/lack of, for others. And often, it’s bc we HAVE to communicate about these walls, bc things get messy if we don’t & we may hurt ppl.

 

Maybe it’s someone we’ve been married to for yrs. Maybe it’s someone we are just attempting to begin a relationship with. Maybe it’s a relationship that’s not of the romantic kind – eg, family. But in most/all cases, it’s like those bricks around the heart above. These walls stop us from feeling. 

 

Then when we actually dive deep into this topic, we realize walls are about way way more than just relationships alone. Like children who get burned touching a hot stove, knowing to avoid going near it again, we get “burned” in so many areas of life…areas around which walls start to grow. 

 

It’s the way we got burned by a decision at work that makes us risk averse at taking other chances. It’s the way we try a move to a new city that’s not a fit for us/our family, that gives us pause the next time a new move for a promotion or a better way of life presents itself. It’s the way trying out for a team, or a part in a play, or a spot in an orchestra, & not getting selected, hinders our fervor to attack the next competition.

 

And yes, I understand of course there are ways we can 1) use these opportunities for growth, &/or 2) work hard on the ways we have been hurt, to heal & grow. But those two are not what I’m referring to here when it comes to a topic surrounding walls – that doesn’t get enough play.  What I’m talking about is how – numbness (at any level), from these walls, no matter where we are at in the healing process, prevent so many of us from using a tool most humans have been wired w our whole lives to trust – & that’s our GUT feeling.

 

Is there anything more frustrating than being w someone for yrs, meeting someone new, being offered a new position, being asked to join a club – & not knowing if you should move forward – bc you can’t pinpoint HOW your FEEL.  Is your lack of feeling bc it’s not the right fit? Not the right fit as this time? Or bc you’re numb & still healing from something that’s affected you in the past.  

 

The simple answer is to say – timing is everything – if it doesn’t feel right now, then it’s not the right time to dive in, to make a move, to charge forward.  The challenge I would have to those who believe this is – How long do we wait? How long should we work on healing? How  long till we can feel our gut again, & what are we missing out on, by waiting for the “right time.”  Not sure there’s a simple answer. But, I do know it’s a topic we should be discussing way more openly, bc it’s a topic that weighs on our minds & takes up way too much space.

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