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15 October 2019

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Bad Days Are Unfortunately Part Of The Process

I debated ever sharing this photo from a few yrs ago, but felt like the experience I had this morning, made it an appropriate time to break it out.

 

I took the pic about 1 yr into my 2.5 yr crash. I hadn’t felt comfortable leaving the house to get a haircut. My mind was so dysfunctional that the thought of sitting in a chair, w a barber, & having to think of conversation (yes that was my irrational fear, needing to entertain a barber w convo) scared the crap out of me. I was lost. I had no direction.

 

Fast forward to the present. I’ve had a pretty decent run recently. On the #SameHere Scale, maybe I haven’t been Thriving, but I’d def say I’ve been somewhere btwn Gliding/Surviving. You saw the pics that we had a great event w the SIAC student leaders in Atlanta. Then, I has two days planned to stay in the ATL, to see some friends & former bosses I haven’t seen in some time.

 

Decided bc of the 2 days off before the next presentation in the next city, I could go out last night. Went out w a friend, stayed out pretty late. Then boom – I woke up this morning feeling like I did in this pic you see. Lost. Back to Struggling. The constant travel, the working on adrenaline only to do these events, then going out bc I’d have days to recover – all took me down.

 

I wanted to lay in bed all day. But finally, I knew better. Forced myself up, went to a shop to get a bite to eat. The store owner was talking to me, asking what NY is like – & I was so disconnected I felt like I was speaking a different language than him. But I sat down (at a table ON the sidewalk), did my breathing practices (outside not caring who saw me), & said to myself – do 1 thing you can focus on right now & forget everything else. Don’t worry that nothing else registers. Get this 1 email out you know you need to send.

 

I’m happy to report, that worked. I don’t feel close to 100%. I’m not back to near the Gliding phase. But I’m Surviving quite well. I got a lot of other work done today. Went to the gym. Care about the Yanks game tonight. It feels good to know we can learn ways to pull ourselves out of those struggling spots. STARR practices. Letting go of what you can’t do or feel. Getting confidence by focusing on just 1 thing & building off it. You all have it in you too & I hope this example helped. When it feels like the end of the world is approaching again. Slow it down. Accept that it’s temporary. Work your way out!

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