by: Eric Kussin

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10 April 2018

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Assumptions Can Ruin Relationships

Who hasn’t heard the advice – “Ask, don’t assume.” It can apply to so many aspects of our lives. But it’s very general. What I’m referring to here is relationships specifically & assuming the MOTIVE or INTENT of others.

 

I spent a few days w some distant cousins of mine this past wk, out of town.  I hadn’t seen them since their father had passed from cancer, way too young, almost 30 yrs ago. Bc I was still a young kid back then, perhaps one of my favorite parts of THIS trip was when one of my cousins took out a piece of paper & started drawing our family tree, & how everyone was connected.

 

We got to talking about how various members of the fam (many not even alive now), had fallen off from one another bc of actions/inactions & the assumptions of why each did/didn’t do certain things.

 

As we spoke however, it sparked memories of comments about things we’d each heard from those we were closest to. Comments had been made abt one other by those various fam members, revealing how deep down, there was so much love & concern there. Unfortunately, there were fam events like weddings, celebrations, even funerals, where invites, attendance or lack thereof, caused one another to assume the worst, when in fact, very legitimate reasons for actions/inactions, existed – but most importantly were NOT representative of how each felt abt one another.

 

Years passed btwn “situations” being brought up…& often fam members passed w/o those situations ever being discussed.  I couldn’t help but wonder how many relationships, where ppl do care deeeeply about one another, are ruined, bc we assume the worst of someone’s motives, w/o actually addressing the actions that hurt us: Why someone said something. Why someone didn’t come to an event. Why we weren’t invited to something. Why the lack of acknowledgment of an important event or accolade.

 

Addressing the issues may reveal that our assumptions were right. But, isn’t that better than wasting yrs of what could have been incredible bonds btwn fam members &/or friends, by not asking? I’d rather know, than spend a lifetime of wondering “why.”

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